When your child is afraid of the dark

Last week they fell asleep without a fuss, and tonight there's something under the bed. Fear of the dark usually appears between three and six, when imagination grows faster than the ability to tell it apart from reality. It's a normal stage, not a sign that something is wrong.

Where it comes from

In the dark, familiar shapes disappear and shadows start to look like monsters. In the evening children are also tired, so big feelings are harder to handle. Fear can grow after changes, too: moving house, starting nursery, a new baby, or a story that was a bit too exciting.

What helps at bedtime

• Take the fear seriously. 'I can see you're scared' works better than 'there's nothing there'.
• A small night light. Warm, dim light by the bed is absolutely fine.
• A torch under the pillow, so your child can check the corner themselves.
• Explore the room in daylight with the curtains closed, as a game.
• A breathing trick: hand on tummy, breathe in through the nose, out slowly through the mouth. Practise it during the day.
• The same routine every evening, which feels safe in itself.

A story that makes the dark friendlier

Children learn best through stories. When the hero is scared too and then finds out that nothing bad happens in the dark, your child can live through the same thing safely. In The Little Dinosaur Who Was Afraid of the Dark, Stompy gets hiccups whenever he's frightened. Together with your child he walks through a glowing valley at night and learns that very same breathing trick.

What to avoid

• Threats, even as a joke: 'the wolf will come' stays in a child's head for a long time.
• Exciting films and stories just before bed.
• Insisting on total darkness 'so they get used to it'.
• Monster spray. It confirms that monsters are real.

When to ask for help

If the fear lasts for many months, your child wakes up screaming several times a week, is very anxious during the day too, or the whole family's sleep suffers, talk to your GP or health visitor (in the US, your paediatrician).